Speaker Listening Technique

When Tammy and I are in the middle of an “intense moment of fellowship”, we often take out a tool called the “speaker listener technique”. This tool facilitates understanding. I learned that technique from a book called: Fighting for your marriage.

“Over decades of research in our lab and others, one of the strongest findings is that how couples handle conflict tells a powerful story about how they will do in the future. Couples who handle their differences and conflict poorly, with put-downs and hostility and harsh views of one another, are the most likely to develop serious problems,” says the authors.

In the book the author’s give these rules about the technique.

1. Rules for both of you

The speaker has the floor. (I like to have an object in hand like a TV remote control. Imagine that is the microphone. Whoever has the mic, is the speaker.)
Share the floor (After one person feels understood they give the mic to other and then seek to understand the other person)
No problem solving

2. Rules for the speaker

Speak for yourself. Don’t mind-read.
Use "I feel..." statements. Don’t say, “You did…” Instead say, “I feel…”
Don’t go on and on.
Stop and let the listener paraphrase.

3. Rules for the listener

Paraphrase what you hear.
Don’t rebut. Focus on the speakers message (PAY ATTENTION).
"Seek first to understand then to be understood" (Steven Covey)

Good luck!

What excites you about ministry"?

I get excited about one thing--Changed lives! Friday night I was talking to an individual and they said that a friend of theirs came to church the day we talked about forgiveness. He explained that this person hadn't talked to his dad in 2 years. Deep bitterness and unforgiveness seperated them.

At church that morning, God spoke to this person about the need to forgive. That night the forgiveness process began. This young man called his Dad and they are now working on rebuilding their relationship.

That's what excited me about ministry. What excites you?

What does God want CCC to look like in 5 years?

On Saturday the board and staff are going to meet off-site to wrestle with the question: What does God want CCC to look like in 5 years?

After we have acquired the mind of Christ pertaining to the vision of our church, we would then like to get input from the congregation. I envision meeting with groups of people and saying, “Here is what we are thinking, what do you think?”

You say, “What can I do now?”

Pray about that question: What does God want CCC to look like in 5 years? And then plan to come to one of the input meetings. We want to hear from you. As the old saying goes: We can not spell S CESS with out U!

It's so good to feel good again

Last Wednesday I went home early with a “tummy ache”. That little irritation turned into full blown stomach flu the next day. I spent the next few days in bed. As I was healing, a thought kept running through my mind, “What about the wedding?” On Friday night I was scheduled to officiate at my cousins wedding. After a few hours of fretting, I finally put it in God’s hand and trusted Him with the outcome.

Fortunately, He gave me the grace and strength to do the wedding. As I look back on that time of illnesses, I am so grateful for my health. Someone has said, “The greatest wealth is health.” Whether you agree with that statement or not, I think you will agree that our health is very important. When was the last time you thanked God for your health? Do you take care of your health? Do you treat your body like the temple of the Holy Spirit?

Today I finished an evaluation process with the staff. However, I didn’t evaluate them. They evaluated me. Specifically, I asked them to give me feedback on four questions:

What are my known strengths?
What are my unknown strengths?
What are my known weaknesses?
What are my unknown weaknesses?

What a humbling process.

You ask, “Why did you do it?” Answer: We all have blind spots. I wanted them to help me see mine. If I don’t see them, I can’t fix them.

Dr. Henry Cloud in Integrity writes about the need for us to seek reality not as we think it is but as it really is. He says that we need to be able to give up the pride of thinking that we already know what reality is and be open to feedback from others. “The natural human tendency is to not face ourselves as we really are.” From this feedback process I believe I was able to better see myself as I really am. Thanks staff!