Communicate With Confidence

Someone has said that we spend 70% of our time in verbal communication. WOW. Are you a good communicator?

Recently I read a book on communication called: Communicate with Confidence: How to say it right the first time and every time By Dianna Booher. Here are someof the practical tips that book taught me.

Find common ground. People like people who are like them.
If someone expresses a contradictory opinion, ask them for their reasons. Listen to them. Then share your opinion and reasons why.
Bring up touchy subjects with warnings, “I know this isn’t a popular topic to talk about…”
Use the word AND instead of BUT. “I see what you are saying and I think we could also…”
Put positive statements before neutral statements: “Did you put milk in this soup? VS I like this soup. Did you put milk in it?”
Verify assumptions. “I am assuming that you….”
When someone makes a broad generalization, ask for specific evidence before you accept it.
When someone buts in say, “Pardon me I am not finished yet.”
Those who tell the truth don’t have to continually say, “To be honest with you.”
Asking for an opinion is a compliment. “Can I get your opinion…”
If can’t remember someone’s name, add something you do remember. “Hi, I am Steve, I saw you at jury duty.”
When someone blows it say, “Did I tell you about the time I blew it…”
People own what they help create. “I am thinking about….what do you think?”
When you do X, I feel Y because of Z.
Don’t just listen to facts, but feelings. “How did it seem to them?”
Uncork the emotions then deal with the facts.
State the point of your question. “I am asking this because…”
Restate common goals again and again.
When someone makes a threat, don’t respond at all
Express your opinions as opinions not irrefutable facts
Here are some tips for talking with someone of the opposite sex.


Tips for men:
Pay attention to details to show concern.
Expand your repertoire of conversational topics to include “the routine”
Talk more about people with women
When a women mentions a problem offer empathy not just solutions
Understand that when a woman states a problem involving you, she is not necessarily blaming you.
Appreciate the reason behind affectionate nagging.
Apologize more and apologize more directly.
Respect the fact that a woman is not necessarily talking to make a point, but rather to explore feelings or relieve stress.
Welcome discussions to improve relationships.

Tips for women
Get to the point faster.
Don’t jump to the conclusion that men don’t care because they didn’t ask or give details.
State outright that you are interested in conversation just for the sake of conversation and connection.
Talk more about things with men.
When mentioning a problem, be specific about whether you are soliciting support or need a solution.
Respect men’s needs to solve their problems independently of others.
Nag less: show caring in other ways.
Express appreciation more frequently to men for their work and results.