On Thursday we left for my brother's house in Milton, WIsconsin. It is about four hours away. As we pulled out the drive way, Dalton said, " Are we almost there."
It was a great get away. I felt very relaxed when we got back.
While there, My kids got to play with all their cousins. They had a great time. We as a adults got to relax and eat too much. I asked Dalton what he enjoyed the most about the trip and he said three things:
1. We played a video game that my brother Josh brought.
2. We played football in the back yard.
3. We hid Easter eggs and the kids had to find them.
We got back on Sunday around 5 PM. Someone once said: "A change of pace, a change of place, equals a change of perspective." How true.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Seek first to understand then to be understood!
In his book 7 Habits of Highly Effective people, Steven Covey taught me one of the most important principles I have ever learned: seek first to understand then to be understood.
Here are some key thoughts on that important principle:
1. Diagnose before you prescribe. The goal of empathetic listening is to deeply understand another from their frame of reference. Listen with the intent to understand not reply. Most people are either speaking or waiting to speak. They are not listening.
2. There are Five kinds of listening:
1. Ignoring
2. Pretending
3. Selective listening
4. Attentive listening- Listen to only words
5. Empathetic listening-listen with eyes and ears.
3. The essence of empathetic listening is not the you agree with the person. Instead, you deeply understand them from their frame of reference. You are seeking to understand the reality in another person’s head and heart.
4. There are 4 ways we usually respond to others:
1. We evaluate- We agree or disagree before we truly understand what they are saying
2. We advise-
3. We probe- Minatare shrink them
4. We interpret-
5. The essence of empathetic listening is: Rephrase content and reflect feeling. When we do this we give a person psychological air. We help them work through their own thoughts and feelings. It opens them up to a soul to soul talk.
6. When they are talking logically, rephrase content. When they are talking emotionally, reflect feeling.
7. “I am sorry, I just realized that I am not really trying to understand you, could we start again…”
Here are some key thoughts on that important principle:
1. Diagnose before you prescribe. The goal of empathetic listening is to deeply understand another from their frame of reference. Listen with the intent to understand not reply. Most people are either speaking or waiting to speak. They are not listening.
2. There are Five kinds of listening:
1. Ignoring
2. Pretending
3. Selective listening
4. Attentive listening- Listen to only words
5. Empathetic listening-listen with eyes and ears.
3. The essence of empathetic listening is not the you agree with the person. Instead, you deeply understand them from their frame of reference. You are seeking to understand the reality in another person’s head and heart.
4. There are 4 ways we usually respond to others:
1. We evaluate- We agree or disagree before we truly understand what they are saying
2. We advise-
3. We probe- Minatare shrink them
4. We interpret-
5. The essence of empathetic listening is: Rephrase content and reflect feeling. When we do this we give a person psychological air. We help them work through their own thoughts and feelings. It opens them up to a soul to soul talk.
6. When they are talking logically, rephrase content. When they are talking emotionally, reflect feeling.
7. “I am sorry, I just realized that I am not really trying to understand you, could we start again…”
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
CONVICTED!
Last night we had our first class of "parenting for teenagers." It was one of the most moving classes I have ever been to. It taught me:
1. It's tough being a kid today. We think they go to school and come home. We forget about all the pressure that is on them. After the class I wanted to go and hug every teenager I could.
2. Listen to your kids. During the class, I realized that I had been failing miserably in this area. I would try and "set my kids straight". But I wasn't taking the time to listen to them. I went home and listened to Dalton. Afterwards I layed in bed under the conviction of the Holy Spirit abotu how I has messed up in this area. I wasn't the only one. Another Dad who was in the class came in this morning and said his teenager talked his ear off for 2 hours all because he listend to him.
When it comes to listening they recommended two skills: clarifying content and reflecting feeling.
Listen to your kids! Show them that you love them unconditionally. And pray that I would do the same!
1. It's tough being a kid today. We think they go to school and come home. We forget about all the pressure that is on them. After the class I wanted to go and hug every teenager I could.
2. Listen to your kids. During the class, I realized that I had been failing miserably in this area. I would try and "set my kids straight". But I wasn't taking the time to listen to them. I went home and listened to Dalton. Afterwards I layed in bed under the conviction of the Holy Spirit abotu how I has messed up in this area. I wasn't the only one. Another Dad who was in the class came in this morning and said his teenager talked his ear off for 2 hours all because he listend to him.
When it comes to listening they recommended two skills: clarifying content and reflecting feeling.
Listen to your kids! Show them that you love them unconditionally. And pray that I would do the same!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
7 Steps to giving constrcutive criticism!
I recently read about giving constructive criticism. The thing that blessed me the most was when we give people constructive criticism they should, " feel better and more capable of doing a better job in the future."
With that in mind, here are the 7 steps:
1. Protect their self esteem. “I think you are doing a great job and…”
2. Focus on the future not the past. “Next time, why don’t we…”
3. Focus on behavior not the person. “Your sales figures are below expectations. What can we do to get them up?”
4. Use “I” messages. “I feel very angry when…”
5. Get clear agreement on what is to change and how. “ In the future it is important for you to take clear notes.”
6. Offer help. “What can I do to help you in this situation?”
7. Assume the other person wants to do a good job.
With that in mind, here are the 7 steps:
1. Protect their self esteem. “I think you are doing a great job and…”
2. Focus on the future not the past. “Next time, why don’t we…”
3. Focus on behavior not the person. “Your sales figures are below expectations. What can we do to get them up?”
4. Use “I” messages. “I feel very angry when…”
5. Get clear agreement on what is to change and how. “ In the future it is important for you to take clear notes.”
6. Offer help. “What can I do to help you in this situation?”
7. Assume the other person wants to do a good job.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Off to the Dentist's office
I took Miracle to the Dentist this morning. On the way she was crying, "I don't want to go to the dentist." Once we got there we where led to a room. Then a very nice nurse made Miracle feel special. She let Miracle pick out stickers, a toothbrush, and a movie to watch.
When we left, Miracle said, " I like the dentist."
I wonder if people come to church with fear in their heart. "I don't want to go the church. What if I don't fit in? What if i make a mistake?"
What if you and I where like that nurse? What if we took the time to make people feel special and important? Might they say when they leave, "I like church."
When we left, Miracle said, " I like the dentist."
I wonder if people come to church with fear in their heart. "I don't want to go the church. What if I don't fit in? What if i make a mistake?"
What if you and I where like that nurse? What if we took the time to make people feel special and important? Might they say when they leave, "I like church."
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