Knowing yourself!

In his book Jesus of Nazareth, Pope Benedict XVI wrote, " Man knows himself only when he learns to understadn himself in the light of God, and he knows others only when he sees the mystery of God in them."

Detached from the things of this world!

Forbid it Lord, that our roots become to firmly attached to this earth, that we should fall in love with things. Help us to understand that the pilgrimage of this life is but an introduction, a preface, a training school for what is to come. Then we see all of life in it’s true perspective. Then shall we not fall in love with the things of time, but come to love the things that endure. Then shall we be saved from the tyranny of possessions which we have no leisure to enjoy, of property who care becomes a burden. Give is, we pray , the courage to simplify our life.

The Coward's Guide to Conflict

Yesterday I spoke on the topic of conflict resolution to a group of pastors. I called it the "The Coward's Guide to Conflict." Why? I don't like dealing with conflict. In my natural state I would rather avoid it then deal with it. So I shared some things I have leanred a long the way:

1. Am I prolonging the agony by postponing the surgery?
2. Have I affirmed my commitment to the other person?
3. What was my part in the conflict?
4. Has Satan used this conflict to get my eyes off the big picture?
5. Have I taken time to “seek 1st to understand”?
6. Have I listened to both sides of the story?
7. Do I expect that we can work out the issue?
8. Have we lost sight of what we have in common?
9. Have I helped recall their past good relationship?
10. Do I believe: “Conflict is inevitable. No one has to be at fault. Conflict just is. Lets focus on working things out.”

The Votes are in!

Yesterday we brought up the idea of going to a 3rd service. We are so full in our 2nd service that new people come in and probably think, "They don't have room for us." Here is what the results of that vote was:

The people wanted a 3rd service on:

Sunday Am-----22%

Saturday night-73%

Off site-2%

Again, we are planning for the future. Nothing is in stone. We are seeking God's mind on this exciting challenge! Thanks for your input.

Six Steps to Settling Differences

Six months into our church plant, the two most influential families had a fight. Nasty words were exchanged, battle lines drawn. Both sides began recruiting people to their cause. Something had to be done, but what? I held separate meetings with the two parties, but that just made things worse.

“Lord, help me,” I prayed desperately. I set up another meeting with both families.
Then I witnessed a divine intervention. As I fretted over the coming confrontation, Ron knocked on my office door. Unlike others, however, he didn’t come to complain.
“Would you like some help holding a peace conference?” he asked. Ron is a school principal, well versed in conflict resolution. I gratefully accepted his offer.

Ron led the meeting gracefully, compassionately, and thoughtfully. It was a great success. At the beginning of the “peace conference,” the two sides wouldn’t even look at each other. Afterward, they were laughing and hugging. Not only did he help resolve the biggest conflict we’d ever had, he taught me skills on how to deal with conflict.
Here’s how he did it:

1. Ice-breaker. Ron started with a conversational tone, not a confrontational one. “We all know why we are here today,” Ron began. “There is hurt in our hearts and misunderstanding in our minds. For the good of the church and the kingdom of God, we must reconcile. Before we dive into the issues, let’s open with a question. I would like each of you to break up into groups of two, and discuss this question, What is your favorite hobby and why?”

I know it sounds silly, but it worked. There were eight people at that meeting. After the first pairings discussed the question, he broke us up again and again, until everybody got a chance to converse over a non-jugular issue.

2. Information. Ron shared some ground rules. Without rules, meetings often do more harm than good.

Norm Shawchuck in How to Manage Conflict in the Church offers three ground rules for “peace conferences”: permission, potency, and protection. People are given permission to disagree. Each person is allowed to share their views strongly as long as they do it with respect. No one will be allowed to inflict intentional pain on others.

3. Illumination. Next Ron prayed. His prayer was full of grace and love. He prayed that the Lord would bring reconciliation, understanding, and restoration.

4. Issues. “What are your concerns?” he asked. After each person spoke, Ron would clarify what they said. “Correct me if I am wrong, but you feel used?” “If I am hearing you correctly, you are saying that she was disrespectful in what she said?” “I am trying to see it from your point of view, and if I do, you feel that you were intentionally hurt?”
When one side spoke, the other filtered their claims through anger and hurt. But when Ron paraphrased what was said, the opposing sides listened. Why? He was a “neutral” party. You could see the tension subside.

Behind him was a giant Post-It note on the wall with a line drawn down the middle and the sides marked “A” and “B.” After he clarified an issue, he would write it down. He then asked the other side to comment on that issue.

This step took two hours. It helped the parties “unload their files” from memory.

5. Implications. Ron asked two questions: What is the worst thing that could happen if we don’t resolve this conflict? and, What is the best thing that could happen if we resolve this conflict? Again, he wrote their answers down. It became clear that the outcome of this conflict would either make or break the church.

Then he asked, “Which scenario do we want to shoot for?” Ron moved the group from defending adversarial positions to unanimously voting to seek a mutual position.
6. Ideas. “What are some ideas for reaching that goal?” Ron asked. As a team, they brainstormed and agreed on an answer. Finally Ron returned to the first large notes and, one by one, reviewed their original concerns. “What are we going to do about this concern?” he asked, making sure every concern was dealt with. Later I typed up my notes from the meeting, and sent a copy to everybody involved.

After that meeting, enemies became friends and peace was restored. I have used these techniques since to mend marriages and heal friendships.

Weekly Update

Last week we estimate that nearly 900 people came through our doors. We have our weekend services, our Wednesday night program, and our Harvest party. We give the praise, honor, and glory to God!

One of our biggest challenges is running out of room. We have been praying and thinking about this great challenge. We plan to present a plan to congregation soon and get their input. One of our core values as a church is to be a "reaching" church. We desire to reach those outside the fmaily of God. Why? Jesus went to the cross for them. Obviously, we need to follow His example and give our all to reach them with the message that they matter to God!

I am excited! We are depopulating hell and populating heaven. We are changing the world-one person at a time. We are building a ministry that will contine changing the world after we are gone. We are making a difference!